How to fight suicidal thoughts? I feel so exhausted, I see all around me the things I want but it’s like a locked item in a videogame. I am done, I feel like I have nothing left. I struggle to wake in the morning, I struggle to stay awake during the day, I am just …
How to fight suicidal thoughts?I feel so exhausted, I see all around me the things I want but it’s like a locked item in a videogame. I am done, I feel like I have nothing left. I struggle to wake in the morning, I struggle to stay awake during the day, I am just struggling to keep my head up. I can’t think straight. I seem to struggle with basic tasks. I thought about talking to some of my friends about what I’m currently sitting through and honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t want to lose them as friends, but I’m also terrified of trusting them with something so very personal.
Hey friend, I hear you. You had more than your share of bad luck and horrible experiences and life seems like a crazy climb up a sandy hill. Every step you take seems harder than the previous one, every day it’s harder to get up, harder to hang on, harder to keep it all together.
The title of your post really struck me – you asked how to fight suicidal thoughts. You’re not supposed to fight them. You can’t win against your thoughts. You may have realized by now that you don’t have any control over what thoughts you have – nobody does. So fighting is not what this is about, but pain is.
You carry an incredible amount of pain and grief inside you. This post is only the tip of a huge iceberg of pain you’ve carried around for a very long time, most of your life form the sound of it. That’s why it’s so hard to get up in the morning, that’s why it’s so hard to do even the most basic things. The weight of your pain is crushing you and you’re tired of resisting it.
The thing about pain is that while you can’t resist it indefinitely, you can allow yourself to feel the full extend of it. I’ve been down that road – the tears, the snot, the howling, the shaking and the complete exhaustion that follows. It’s awful, and it seems like it would never end. But it does. It does.
If you have enough courage to consider taking your own life, you have enough courage to face the pain in its entirety, to let it flow through you and out of you so you can step back into life.
I wish you luck my friend. It’s a rough road to travel, and you’ll probably need to travel it a few times before you’ve worked through it all. But the road does have an end and there’s light at the end of it.